Usually I try to stay above this muck and mire … especially when it comes to the content of my blog. Nevertheless, I post the following, because I think it deserves note and speaks for itself:
In other news, I’m a wee bit injured.
Here’s a picture I stole from Yahoo (who stole it from Intermountain Medical Imaging, Boise, Idaho. All Rights Reserved):
-Figure 1 is a normal, healthy lumbar spine.
-Figure 2 is a spine with a herniated disc at L5/S1.
Now, I present a picture from the MRI I had last Tuesday:
Now, play doctor.
Come to find out, the pain is the least of discomforts associated with being injured.
(Perhaps being injured is like having chicken pox–it’s better to get it (for the first time) when you’re young: it’s worse when you’re older. By which I mean: I’ve never been injured before. Perhaps, if I had been, I would be better equipped to deal with this now.)
No, rather, it’s the being debilitated, helpless, broken.
I’ve learned some about myself over the past few days, weeks. I’ve learned that I’m happiest when I feel strong, capable–be that physically, or otherwise. When I’m running up a hill. When I write well. When I successfully repair my car.
Of late, it’s a struggle to put on my pants in the morning. I feel weak and pathetic, helpless and stupid and worthless.
Now, play psychologist.
On Tuesday, I was supposed to be on top of Grand Teton. Instead, I limped pathetically to the hospital and laid on my stomach in the lobby waiting room–waiting to go get pushed through a huge magnet that would cook my insides and take pictures of my broken fleshy parts–because it’s too painful to sit.
I’ve been irritable. Go figure. I’ve taken it out on those closest to me–those kind enough to rub Icy Hot on me where I’m too stiff or sore to reach; those to who call with their care and concern. And that, in turn, makes me feel worse. A self-defeating cycle. You know who you are: I’m sorry. I don’t want to be like this.
Enough of this pity-party. Sagar arrives tonight. Ken and Baugh wed tomorrow night. The Yellowstone River awaits. So much to do! So much excitement ahead! Farewell!