And then there was light.

I realize that I’m overdue for a post. I don’t know if I’ve been especially busy over the last few days, or just rather disinclined to post: regardless, I’m at work, and I have other things I should be doing, so here goes.

The last few days have been the best I’ve known since coming to Bozeman. There’s really no reason why, save for the fact that I’ve been happy. Inexplicably happy, when I think about it. There’s no reason for it. It feels good to be done (well, close to done), and it feels good for the semester to be drawing to a close, but I think there’s something more at play.

I’m finally beginning to come to terms with Jill. I’m laughing, or smiling at the very least, and that’s a good place to be. My mood has swung back to the point that I’m happier now that I have been for a long time, and I’m seeing now that part of my present happiness comes from my recently gained knowledge to terrible unhappiness. Although it sucked at the time, in retrospect it’s a good thing: a wonderful thing. What’s life, if not for its contraries? So I look back, and I laugh. Yeah, we were way too serious (or at the very least I was way too serious). We set physical boundaries, but no boundaries to the intellectual and emotional aspects of our relationship, and I think I can that I went too far. Or maybe I didn’t– if we had been less emotionally attached and I had been less intellectually intwined, breaking things off would have been so much easier, but by the same token the “good times” wouldn’t have been half as good. Speaking of which, apparently they don’t have Good Times in Montana. I haven’t asked anyone “hey, have you had good times” but I certainly haven’t seen anyone having Good Times. The fast food chain, of course: I don’t mean to say that there’s any shortage of fun and enjoyable times. Wow. How random. Back to my previous train of blather: I don’t know if it’s a bit pre-mature for this, but already I find that I hold posses no malice or ill-will toward Jill. As a matter of fact, I find myself pretty neutral: I don’t love her, I don’t hate her, I don’t even like or dislike her. She just exists, and I’m able to see her without feeling any nagging dislike and equally without feeling any pangs of heart. And it’s good. It’s really good.

I’m excited for break. I’m going to read a LOT, see a LOT of movies, sleep, and otherwise enjoy myself. Thank heavens.

I finished Douglas Adam’s The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and I can’t help but thinking that it’s one of the best books I’ve ever read. I hesitate to say “best” because I enjoyed it so much, but looking back at it (despite it’s jovial nature) the book was packed from cover to cover with a brilliant depiction of post-modernist life and what’s more it left me laughing. Laughing at the amazing string of impossible improbabilities that have come together to form modern life. Laughing at my sheer powerlessness against these explosions of random chance. Laughing at the amount of beauty that can be found in the midst of all life’s absurdity. We’re powerless to struggle against life’s absurdity, and all we can do is laugh. And so we do: after all, some of it’s pretty dang funny.

I can’t help but to feel that there’s gotta be something more, but on the other hand I’m happy, and that’s more than enough for me. =)

So… there’s an optimist who’s friends with a pessimist. The pessimist never fails to find something wrong with something in every situation; the optimist is constantly trying to find something the pessimist can’t fault. One day the optimist buys a dog and plays fetch with it by a lake. The optimist throws a stick into the water and to his surprise the dog runs out on top of the water and walks back. Thrilled to have found something so wonderful, the optimist brings the pessimist, and again throws the stick into the water. The dog again goes walking out on top of the lake, and the optimist says “See, see! He’s walking on water!” to which the pessimist replies “What? Can’t he swim?”