This is bad–a seeming downward spiral toward oblivion.

It’s 4:08 pm, now, and I’m still in bed. Yesterday I made it out of bed at 2:00 pm. The day before, closer to 5:00 pm.

I certainly don’t want to be in bed right now.

I wake at 8:00 am, roll on to my left side–agonizing–then my right side–painful, even with support for my left-leg–then my back–awkward and painful. I moan and roll back on to my stomach, falling asleep again until 10:00 am.

I wake at 10:00 am, resolve to shower, hobble pathetically toward the bathroom. I’m twisted at a strange angle at the hip. Any weight no my left food sends searing pain down my leg.

Unable to stand, I draw a bath (as I have the previous mornings). This morning it’s worse, though. I hurt worse this morning than yesterday. I’m unable to sit or lie comfortably in the tub, save in one position on my back, head tipped backwards, left leg up with foot against the wall.

I despair of washing my hair–I can’t sit up or even bring my neck up without sharp, burning pain shooting down my leg. I drain the tub, try to towel off as best as my broken condition allows, hobble back toward my bed on the floor and collapse.

I watch TV on the internet for an hour and some. I can function this way–flopped on my stomach, chin propped up by pillows or arms. After a while, my teeth grow weary of the pressure on my chin–but at least my back doesn’t hurt.

By noon, I finally work up the tenacity to crawl over and find my bag. I take out 1000mg of hydrocodone, 800mb of ibuprofen. I eat two of my mom’s “jingle bell” cookies she sent with me, hoping this will be enough substance in my stomach to keep me from getting sick.

I find myself thinking of the story where Jesus heals a paralytic. The story goes that four of the man’s friends bring him on his mat to a house where Jesus is teaching. The crowd is too thick for the man to be brought in through the door, so the friends bring the man on to the roof, dig through the roof, and lower the man right in front of Jesus. Jesus tells the paralytic that his sins are forgiven. The paralytic, suddenly healed, picks up his mat and walks out.

I read for a while about how to read MRI images, about degenerative disc disease. Then I fall asleep again, wake up, decide to post to my blog.