The “Rockstar” Index

In the future, you may ask me “how’s it going,” and receive a response along the lines of “oh, about two fat tires” and be confused. To prevent that confusion, read on!

I’ve deduced a relatively precise index, useful to quantify the relative quality of my days.

In the same way that a “five star” scale might quantify the goodness of a book or film, my days can be directly and reliably quantified in terms of quality and enjoyment by the relative number of energy drinks and/or microbrews I drink.

Fat Tires: a relative measure of goodness, indicative of leisure time, good times, quality time, health

Rockstars: a relative measure of badness, indicative of sleep-deprivation, stress, angst, unhealth

For the sake of the index, we’ll use a Rockstar to represent a typical energy drink, and we’ll use a Fat Tire to represent a typical microbrew. On any given day, I may drink anywhere between one and five of either.

I’m particularly fond of Fat Tire, and I’m sure it’s familiar to many who will reference my index. Having the leisure time to drink a Fat Tire makes for a good day. Drinking a Fat Tire is also indicative of health and (presumably) quality time– with a friend, or, say, with an instrument. (As a side note, recent studies have shown that many microbrews contain beneficial antioxidants– making it healthy for me to consume a microbrew or two on occasion.)

On the other hand, I have a particular aversion for Rockstar. On a bad day I’m likely to be short on sleep and shorter on time. To stay awake and alert, then, I drink energy drinks. It should be noted that 1) I loath and despite energy drinks (with the notable exception of Red Bull, which I prefer to any and every other drink in the world, but which doesn’t generally qualify as an “energy drink”, since a $2.29 can has less than 100mg of caffeine) and 2) I equate drinking energy drinks with drinking liquid death. I recognize that A) I’m drinking the energy drink because I didn’t get a healthy amount of sleep the night previous; B) I’m drinking the energy drink to push my body beyond a healthy level of exertion and C) the energy drink is loaded with sugar, caffeine, and other synthetic and natural chemicals and stimulants. Alas. In particular, I drink Rockstar; the “juiced” variety seems to be the lesser of many evils.

So, if, say, I get 4 hours of sleep the night before, and need to stay awake through the afternoon and study, I might drink one Rockstar. If I need to continue to be alert through the evening, I might drink another Rockstar. If I need to stay alert until the wee hours in the morning, I might drink another Rockstar. Sleep deprivation, desperation, and a SCREAMING deadline all add up to a terrible, terrible day. No time for leisure, for other people, for piano, guitar, movies, books, slacklining, climbing, etc.

So. For, for future reference, in the Cosmology of Mark, “Fat Tires” will be used to quantify the relative goodness of a day. Similarly, “Rockstars” will be used to quantify the relative badness of a day. Not mutually exclusive, many days measure on both scales (many days are both good and bad).

I may go so far as to simply indicate the quality of my day with a visual indicator: “RRR” for example, would be a particularly awful day; “TTTTT” on the other hand, would be a particularly spectacular day (presumably).

Got it? It’s easy! Please feel free to modify and appropriate this index as you see fit. I hope this proves an effective tool of communication and recording complex states of mind for posterity!