I have two cows. They’re both happy.

Jill complains ad naseum that my blog lacks humor, despite the fact that she never visitis. Since I lack any original wit, in and of myself, I thought I’d post a bit of wit that I found while prowling the ‘net, just to prove Jill wrong. =)

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Capitalism for Dummies

Traditional Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

American Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

French Capitalism: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

Japanese Capitalism: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

Italian Capitalism: You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You break for lunch.

British Capitalism: You have two cows. Both are mad.

Russian Capitalism: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

Arkansas Capitalism: You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute…

Hindu Capitalism: You have two cows. You worship them.

Chinese Capitalism: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

Irish Capitalism: You have two cows. You feed them potatoes and wonder why they emigrate.

Enron Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

Cuban Capitalism: You have two cows. They try to swim to Florida.

Hollywood Capitalism: You have two cows. You give them udder implants.

Clinton Capitalism: You have two cows. You deny any knowledge of them.

Gore Capitalism: You have two cows. You claim you invented them.

Australian Capitalism: You have two cows. You try to wrestle them.

Totalitarian Capitalism: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

Iraqi Capitalism: You have two cows. They are biochemical weapons.

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So there you have it. They made me laugh. Hopefully they brought some humor to your life, as well. =)