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Accident on Dell Range tonight. Why I drove down Prarie, not Dell Range, I don’t know. Of no consequence. Saw the lights flashing on Dell Range; saw the traffic stopping, stopped. Can’t go that way. Spilling pizza turning on the wrong street pausing Live in Buffalo answering my cell phone. Almost. Damn. Missed the call. Call back. Hi, mum. Yeah. You’re going to need the cable that connects your camera to your TV. It’s upstairs in the desk drawer with all your other camera stuff. No, not the one with flat ends. It looks like…

Hang up the phone, deliver the pizza, thanks for the tip. Think to myself: accident in the west bound lane. I’m east-bound, won’t be held up. … Makes sense, this time of day. Sun’s going down. Can’t see shit. Dangerous to be driving. Going up a hill, must not have seen the oncoming car…

I can take Dell Range. Rather than going back around.

Approaching the hill, seems like things are cleared away. Good. Couldn’t have been that bad. Thank god. No, wait. Van cresting the hill in front of me is slowing down. Foot, brakes. Oh, no. Nothing’s cleared away. Firetrucks, cops. –? Gaping black hole into a used-to-be livingroom. Must have been a fire, not an accident. Fire makes sense. apartments–>lower income–>fire danger. I used to mow that lawn. Wait? Did they have to break through the wall? That doesn’t make sense.

No, that’s wrong. Then I see the car they pulled out from the apartment.

Oh, god. There’s a car. Suspended in the air by a tow-truck. Totaled car. Oh no. See the path of broken fences, wide and straight, to their living room. Gaping hole. Gaping black hole. Someone’s living room.

Maybe they were still at work. No, shit. It’s 7:13. Maybe dinner in the front. Maybe they were out. Hope they were out hope they were out hope they were out

It rained, yesterday. For two hours, it rained. Not a monsoon rain, you. Not the I-can’t-find-a-raindrop but the-air-must-be-made-of-water sort of southeast Asia rain. No. A Rocky Mountain rain. Clean and pure. Bulging, heavy raindrops, cascading from the heavens above in a veritable deluge. Most unlike like the spit fire of a thousand Spitfires, being a million watery explosions of life. Of green. Of hope. Or Hope, if you will. But that tends to go more like HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOpe.

Heh. Forgive me. Are we still in High School? God, I hope not. Doing being “older and wiser” necessarily deny us access to juvenile fun? Again, god, I hope not. Hoooooooooooooooope not…

Ke ke ke. I crack myself up.

Well, speaking cracks… there was something else I DIDN’T crack today. The story goes something like this:

For the fun of it (see: because I’m so freaking 1337!!11) I installed Windows Server 2003 Enterprise Edition on my so-called server machine(a big thank you to everyone that contributed spare parts!). Heh. Obviously, I don’t exactly have a license for Windows Server 2003 Enterprise Edition, so I was browsing around, attempting to find a crack (yes, I know. I’m a bad person. Yes, I know. I’m going to hell. It’s cool, though– Ken’s going along for the ride with me. I digress). I downloaded a couple … candidates, and noticed one (6k) that was suspiciously small. I thought to myself “gee, that file is way too small to actually be a legitimate crack (yes, I recognize the oxymoron). It’s probably spyware.” The smart person would have stopped there and deleted the suspicious file. Those of you know me know, of course, know that I am very, very smart. So my thought process continued: “Huh. Well, I guess there’s only one way to find out. *click*click* … uh. oh. no. NO! MAKE IT STOP!!!”

About five seconds after double-clicking, I discovered something nice about Windows Server 2003: it has built in Spyware detection. A nice little balloon popped up informing me that my computer was infected with spyware. Nice to know. I opened Windows Explorer to watch, with mounting horror (frantically pressing alt+ctrl+del), as my C:\\ directory literally filled with files and executables. By the time I punched the power switch, there must have been 30 different types of spyware installed. Sheesh.

*ahem* Needless to say, I’m typing this as I go through the process of setting up Windows Server 2003. … Again. =)

So, yeah.

To whoever gave me an extra $20 bill tonight: I am sorry for your mistake and loss. If I knew who you were, I would give it back to you.

To the gentleman who rejected your order last night because we did not bring you napkins: I bear you no ill-will. I enjoyed the pizza (that you did not want because we did not bring you napkins). Jerk. =P

the days the wind blow extra hard
the mountains look extra blue

i could rhyme off that but
fuck it. no.

picked two blades of grass today:
one brown
one spring
i say spring but
i saw green.
hope.

today the wind blow extra hard
they mountains is extra blue

i drive. i look down the road
over the hills and far away
(as it were)
and today i see.
extra blue.

i see mountains.
over the hills and far away.

but not so far away.
and i see the mountains and i know
waiting
i’ll be there
i’m coming.

the plains, once barren
desolate
brown
boring

now the plains, still barren
desolate
everbrown
draw me and fill me. fill me full and overflowing. lead me to the mountains. are the mountains. blue. and brown.

maybe.
maybe i once was right and now am wrong.
you can tell me that they ugly–
they baren, desolate and brown.
but i’ll tell you that they home.
and you know home is beautiful.

i picked two blades of grass today
their veil of snow removed
one was brown but one was green.
spring, hope is on its way.

the days are fine. plenty of sunshine. plenty of things to do. three jobs now. fine. let’s juggle. we’ll juggle. what-ev. fuck a cop, hip-hop. fuck the cop that followed me for 10 minutes tonight. fuck the cop that ran a red light to ride my ass. yeah, maybe i flipped you off. maybe i flipped you off for no better reason than you’re a fucking cop. you and your buddy. you should be used to it by now, you fuckin’ cop.

it’s the evenings. no, not the evenings. the evenings i drive around, listen to music, and rage at the pigs on my ass. it’s a bitch, too. i got a sign on the top of my car– a big, light up sign. it says: “papa johns.” fancy that. well, less that fucker be blind, or an exceptionally dumn muthafucker, I won’t be ducking him. not with my halo on top.

it’s the nights. the nights that are troublesome. difficult. it’s boredom… but that damning boredom that doesn’t let you do anything except be bored. bored. heh. aren’t i just a staggering intellectual. to complain of boredom. go to sleep, mark. no, fuck you. i’m going to stare off in to space. go to sleep, mark. no, fuck you. i’m going to watch lame-ass videos on google video for an hour. why the fuck not. i could be sleeping. go to sleep, mark. no, fuck you. let’s check the blogs again. no, they haven’t changed. what about digg? i don’t give a shit. couldn’t give a flying fuck. sure, let’s go read. go read about useless, irrelvent boring shit. vista delayed until january 2007. fuck off. office 2007 delayed to coincide with vista laucnh. fuck off. winxp on a macbook pro. fuck off. i don’t care. i don’t care. i don’t care. i don’t even want to know. i just don’t want to go to sleep. to sleep, perchance to dream. but i don’t– no, sometimes i do. sometimes when i stay in bed till 11:00, till noon, cuz i wouldn’t let myself go to bed the night before. because i don’t want to get up. face the day. face the disappointment. the directionlessness. the inadequacy. the failure. the nothingness. the same-old-shit-different-face.

sometimes i wish i didn’t know anyone. just let me deliver pizzas in peace. i’ll turn off my stereo; i’ll turn off my phone. i’ll leave my halo on, and flip cops off.

add it up, break it down. if you’re reading this, you made the cut. ha. and who the fuck are all these random people who make accounts? i don’t know you. you don’t know me. show me one happy fuckin’ family.

charles darnay. lucie. golden thread. name the book for 2 bonus points.

it’s the ngihts. it’s the nights. the nights. nights. night. nightfall. goodnight. no, not goodnight. just goodbye, for now. time to go check digg.

fuck. guess what time it is.

Ok, let’s keep going:

I don’t believe that prayer can change the world.

I don’t believe in the power of prayer.

Except one: “Oh, god, open the world a little wider.”

I don’t believe in healing.

I don’t believe in forgiveness.

I don’t believe in the avian flu.

I believe family is important.

I do not believe family is inviolable.

Counselors should be seen and not heard.

I don’t believe in evil.

I have my doubts about good.

I do not believe that North Korea, Iran or Palestine is evil.

I do not believe America is good.

I do not believe that America is evil.

I stand against small mindedness.

The world is larger than a dime. Though you may not know it, I guarantee it.

The world is bigger than a bible. Thought you may not know it, I guarantee it.

The world is bigger than the Qur’an.

I don’t believe in evolution.

I don’t believe in creation.

I believe in the Rocky Mountains.

I believe in today.

I have doubts about tomorrow.

I don’t believe in yesterday.

News must be provided by an impartial, non-profit organization.

Everything else is either propaganda or advertising.

A corporation has no soul.

Employees are more valuable than stock holders.

Consumers are more powerful than corporations.

Consumers are afraid of corporations.

Some day, corporations will fear consumers.

That’s the meaning of consumer consciousness.

Much to my shame, Chester (my father’s English Setter) has more musical ability than I do. It’s difficult to play the piano while he’s in the house, due to his insistence on singing along.

And it snows and it snows and it snows. Snows down, down, down, up, up and up. Snow to high heavens. Snow from high heavens. And oh, yes, heavenly would be a good adjective.

It’s been snowing steady since yesterday afternoon– snowing some, snowing lots, snowing steady. I love the stilness of it… the silence of it. I love seeing a car drive down the street, 20 feet from me, and not hearing it. Noises muffled, light diffused… mmm. I feel blessed to get so much winter.

And… I love the white-knucked thrill of that last quarter mile. That the-snow-is-two-feet-high-and-undisturbed rush to two wheel drive, oh-lets-hope, just enough momentum. It’s a delicate mastery. Or a whole lot of luck. Or heavenly-feathered-friends watching over…

My car is white. Top to bottom. It once was gold. It will be gold again, some day, but tonight it’s white and beautiful.

Which leaves two things to do: bust out the shovels, and move it away, or bust out the snow shoes and bust on top. Or, better yet, let’s do both.

i spend my days thinking of inventive new ways of making myself look good on paper.

and my nights delivering pizza

for example, I’ve now placed 1.5pt white lines between the each of my previous employers in the work experience section, giving each entry a little more presence on the page– like bulleted points, without the bullets. surely, this will give me that competitive edge I’m looking for. so long as my potential employers only take a cursory glance, I’ll easily be heads above the rest.

heh.

This is an excerpt from the book I’m reading right now that I found to be particularly profound:

Internetwork Packet Exchange / Sequenced Packet Exchange
Like TCP/IP and AppleTalk, IPX/SPX is not a single protocol but rather a protocol suite. IPX/SPX was created by Novell for use on Novell Networks. When Novell had a larger presence in the network arena, so too did the IPX/SPX protocol suite. Today, the popularity of IPX/SPX has yielded to TCP/IP although it is still used in some network environments.

Who would have thought? Who would have known? I always thought IPX/SPX was a single protocol, rather than a protocol suite. I would certainly recommend Exam Cram 2: Network+ Second Edition, by erudite authors Mike Harwood and Drew Bird, to anyone and everyone. It has profoundly affected the way I view network protocols, and networks in general. And it’s not entirely devoid of real-life application, either. For example, in social networks, I realize now that non-verbal communication is not a single form of communication, or communication protocol, if you will, but rather a suite of gestures and movements and … and … oh good god…. am I really typing this?

If it’s not interesting, at least I can sarcastic about it. =)

so, I deliver pizzas. Or, more accurately, I drive around listening to music, with pizzas in the back of my car. the money’s aight, but the tunes– ah. the music is solid.

still looking for that full time job. interview with xerox on Monday. gotta be up by 10:30… might be a struggle. amazingly, even after 6 months of disuse, my subconsious still remembers how to hit the mutilated snooze button on my alarm clock without waking me. damn subconscious. i tell ya what…

went down to Breckenridge on Friday with the ‘rents. met the in-laws to be for dinner on Thursday night in Keystone. did I mention? my sister is getting married on May 28th. the skiing was great– lots of fresh powder– but cold. but it’s winter time. I guess it’s supposed to be cold.

that aside, I’m falling behind no whatever else. correspondence… yeah, I’m behind on. I owe someone an email. in a big way. i haven’t finished unpacking. the light in my room is hanging by two wires, waiting for me to do something with it. i still don’t have a (real) job. the journal has fallen into disuse. punctuation has fallen into disuse…

the news is a constant source of despair, although the Sabres are 2nd in their division, and third in the whole NHL. I think they’re going to go far in the playoffs this year.

Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room is a very well made and informative documentary. Pick it up if you get a chance.

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