eateggs

I came to a realization tonight that my schedule for the following semester, which leaves my evenings and weekends largely open, allows for the addition of one more thing. As I pondered this, there came two thoughts of things to fill the hours. Either 1) get a girlfriend or 2) get a second part time job. Truth be told, I’m thinking that I want to pick up a second part time job.

So it’s like this: I’m here for another four months. Of these four months, I’m planning on being gone upwards of four weekends, which effectively means that I’m here for three months. So I could throw myself and try to involve myself in some stupid, sadistic relationship to fill my life with confusion or drama (lord knows that the relationship drama NEVER ends…), or I could hunker down and invest myself into my studies and into getting out of debt. Somehow getting out of debt seems a better option.

So for now I’m thinking of that it’s time to become an introvert. It’s time to shift my focus from things external to those things that I consider to be more suitable with my plans for the future.
1. Audio – High quality audio has always been an interest, and in the next few weeks I’ll complete my setup for a low end audiophile set-up. God, I’m excited.
2. Music – I need to be investing hours a week into my guitar, and I want to pick up some piano again.
3. Film – I want to be writing reviews and investing in critical analysis of film. I honestly think that I have the appropriate gifting to be able to excel, and it’s high time for me to start. My goal for the short term: 95% accuracy for my Academy Award predictions.
4. Outdoors – Next Saturday I’ll hike Sacagawea (9,665 feet!), and lord knows what’s beyond that.

Those are my goals for the upcoming semester. Maybe they’re not especially high-brow or idealistic, but they’re what I want, they’re safe, they’re rewarding, and they’ll last past this semester.

In the mean time, I’m going to pick up my guitar for a while, and then get some sleep with the hopes of finally championing this infernal cold that I have yet to elude.

So… I got back from my meeting… and god only knows what I did with my time this afternoon. I went to the 4:30 showing of The Aviator– if it wasn’t 4:00AM I’d write a few words about it… and then watched 8mm… same about that.

And then we were bored for a while.

Then we decided to go to the Pita Pit (around 2:30AM) which was quite an adventure. We piled six people into Jordan’s truck and drove downtown. When we got to the Pita Pit, I’m pretty sure that we were the only sober people there. And that includes the employees– well, point in fact, there was actually one sober worker, who seemed to be throughougly annoyed with his drunk co-workers. As I was ordering my Pita, the guy at the counter complains about his co-workers going to the bars, and then procedes to pull out a can of beer and open it on the counter, spraying foam all over. It’s rather amusing– there’s a sign on the inside of the door leading to the back room that says “NO going to bars between shifts.”

So we all made it back to the quad, despite Evan getting hit on by some drunk girl who tried to get into a fight with another girl and threw a chair…

And ever since then we’ve been listening to Michah recount his oddesy to Las Vegas and back, which is HIGHLY amusing.

Red Bull + Decongestants == God

I’m going to be more sick in the morning, though– I can feel it already. Damn me!

Ha. I’m excited. My T&C class rocks the house. Aside from “freak girl,” everyone seems intelligent and there’s such a good variety of different perspectives and ideas available, and Jeff, our facilitator, does an awesome job of bringing people into the conversation and keeping the conversation going. Tonight is only the second night in, and already we had conversation that lasted the entire span of the class– animated and semi-intelligent conversation at that.

Which introduced to me the idea of the conscious vs. the unconscious and their respective roles and perceptions. So it goes like this: there exists at least two states of the human psyche: the conscious, that is the things we are aware of, the choices we make, etc, and the unconscious, which is the thoughts, ideas and personality that exists within us that we are unaware of. The unconscious is often a great source of ingenuity and wisdom– I can think of countless examples, both personal and historical, of instances of running head-first into a problem and being unable to find a solution. The solution would only come when one took a step back– when Archemedies took a bath, or when Newton reclined under the tree, or when I decided to play Counter-Strike rather than thinking about it. That’s the work of the subconscious, that’s worked out the problem on its own that the conscious was unable to apprehend.

But that’s not the point. The point is simply that there exist the two separate entities. The most compelling evidence of this is dreaming. When you sleep, you are unconscious, which means that everything you dream is entirely a fabrication of the unconscious psyche. There’s no conscious thought involved. What’s interesting is this: there exists a unconscious perception of the world that is often distinctly different than the waking world. It’s kinda like this:

There’s the “real” world, as we perceive it via our senses. This is brought in, and portions of this pass to the conscious mind, and portions to the unconscious. Some consider the unconscious to be the more observant of the two, but I say rather that it sees a portion that the conscious misses over: the conscious is trained to pick things out and to logically piece them together, whereas the unconscious takes in what it wills.

Somewhere between is the world that both agree on, which is how I would say I perceive the world– a balance between the truth and my imagination. Mental illness comes from an imbalance of these forces: an inability to be rational codifies one as insane– too much of the imaginative unconscious– and too much rational and you’re unable to create new thoughts and ideas, and the world is merely black and white. The latter do much better in society, but as with everything, only in a balance of the two does one have the potential for a “normal” and fulfilled life.

So this doesn’t make any sense, but what of it? I really don’t care. I just felt inclined to type something before I went to bed.

Another idea, before it eludes me, is the concept of “training” the subconscious– almost as though it’s a separate and somewhat disagreeable entity. This thought is that if one is consistently honest with one’s subconscious (i.e. I tell myself that I’m going to get up in the morning, and then I do) that eventually one gains the trust and some control of one’s self conscious. Deception, on the other hand (i.e. I say I’m going to get up but then choose not to because I’m still tired) estranges one from one’s self-conscious.

Hmm.

There’s no way I can do it. I’m not Bovard, I’m not god, hell, I’m not even a good student. So to think that I could take 19 credit hours, work 20 hours a week, and still maintain something of a social life… is poorly thought out at best. I could probably sustain this so long as nothing unexpected happened, but should I get sick, or should Bridger get 17″ of powder, or when I take off to go visit a few places this semester… it’ll kill me.

So to start with I’m going to back out of this crazy idea of taking the 8:00AM art history class– good heavens, I’d love to take it, but, not only do I never stand a chance of getting UP at that obscene hour, but (and of greater importance) I just don’t have the time nor energies to take that on in addition to everything else.

Well, I should probably listen to my prof. Until later…